Christmas poem: Wonder

You have no idea how long it took me to find this poem.

I have probably a hundred notebooks in my room; on the bookshelf, under the bed, in the closet, by the desk. You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to find the one that contained a poem written 2 Christmases ago, would you? But after quite a long search, here it is.

I wrote this poem on my 18th Christmas Eve. Even though 2 years have passed, I still feel it relevant, at least in part. Enjoy. :)

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Wonder

by Rachel D.


It’s Christmas time again and now I sit here all alone
Somehow I see things differently now that I am grown
Just gazing at the tree afire with rainbow-colored stars
Is quite as alien to me as UFOs from Mars

Oh, where did all the wonder go? Why can I fall asleep
On Christmas Eve when Santa does his act as chimney sweep?
Why can’t I stare for hours on end into the manger scene
Or grab a little Christmas light and make my hands glow green?

Where’s the joy I used to find in watching falling snow?
And placing all the stockings in a nice neat row?
Winding silver tinsel all along the staircase rail
Watching joyful candles dance to hear the Christmas tale?

I sing the carols yet again with grown-up voice and see
The songs at which I sobbed with joy are nothing now to me
And so I sob with sorrow as I see what I’ve become
A broken ornament, forgotten; shattered, cold and numb

But childish fingers reaching down are breaking through my pain
They lovingly move over me and glue me back again
A little whisper grabs my ear and lets a secret through
“You try to put yourself in Christmas; it should be in you!”

The child laughs and with the sound a supernova blows
Its brilliant light into my mind and suddenly I know
What I’ve been missing all these years has filled my heart tonight
The Christmas Child has come again to fuse the world with light

I turn around to thank Him but He’s vanished yet again
And bubbling deep within my heart’s a song I know is Him
I turn back to drink the sky and breathe the chilly air
But warmth surrounds my mended heart and lets me know He’s there


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Merry Christmas.

Stolen Christmas: What have we become?

One recent evening, as I was waiting in a public area, listening to the generic Christmas music piping through the sound system, the now-classic Jingle Bell Rock began to play. Bored, I dug out my iPod and handed the headphones to my companion, gleefully proclaiming, “Thousand Foot Krutch’s version is SO much better! Here, listen.”

When the song was over, I took the headphones back and grinned. “Wasn’t that way better than the other version?” I asked.

“No,” came the reply. “It’s just another stupid attempt to modernize Christmas. It’s like putting baby Jesus in a Santa suit.”



Blink.



Blink.



Wait, what?

Someone I trusted, someone I looked up to as a representative of how my Christian faith should look, is telling me that the modernization of song from 1957 is exactly the same as a perversion of the very core of Christmas. When did the lines blur? When did the reality of Christmas and the fantasy of Christmas become so meshed, so blended, that we cannot distinguish one from the other?

So many things have gone into the celebration that we now know as Christmas. We took bits and pieces, building up through the ages. But the one thing that is so vital is the one that is so overlooked; Christmas is just that, CHRISTmas. There are several theories on the etymology of the word “Christmas”, but they usually agree that it means either “feast of Christ” or “coming of Christ”. Notice the central figure, the main reason for the celebration. It is Christ! Everything else pales in comparison.

So let the lights go up. Let the presents be wrapped. Let us watch goofy Christmas movies. Let us update the carols and rock out to them. But let us never forget that the heart of Christmas is Christ. Everything else is superfluous, unnecessary, an excess. It may make us feel warm and fuzzy (or not) but warm fuzzies are not the reason for the season. Jesus is, and no matter what else changes to fit the times, He does not.

And that’s all that matters, really.

Book Review: House of Dark Shadows by Robert Liparulo

At first glance, it looks like any other creepy story. Average teenage boy is pulled from the city life that he loves to live in a creepy old house in the country, far away from friends and any kind of fun there may have been. While exploring the creepy old house, he finds some thing that sends him and his family spiraling into an adventure filled with terror. But look a little further into the House of Dark Shadows, and you will find, like the protagonist of this book, that not all is as it seems.

Xander is your average teenage boy who is forced to forsake his passion of short-filmmaking and his friends in the city and move with his family out to Hicksville, USA, otherwise known as Pinedale. But here is where the typical story changes. While Xander is decidedly grumpy about the move, he rarely expresses those feelings aloud, trying to make the best of the move rather than moping about it. The family is very close, and while he has a few typical squabbles with his siblings, they all stick together when it really matters. Far different from many young adult novels today, where family is often seen as a nuisance.

The emphasis on family sticking together despite the circumstances is very refreshing, as are film-buff Xander’s numerous references to films and television both classic and modern. The story is creepy, but not too frightening for the younger teens, and while it is a young adult novel, I as an adult found it well worth the read and will definitely be following the rest of the series. However, from a Christian author and publisher, I was disappointed at the lack of references to faith in the book. Perhaps that will change in Watcher in the Woods.

In the meantime… I’ll be avoiding the basement.

And now for... THE LIST II: THE SEQUEL! *fanfare*

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Wait, my car? What car? :( Don't have one. But I drive my dad's truck, which has a whole load of junk in the back that includes a random assortment of ancient hockey sticks, tools, dirty rags, and enormous bags of hockey gear.

2. When was the last time you threw up? Don't remember, awhile back. Not the last time, but the most memorable, was in 2005 on my way to Disneyland in California with my dad. I got a stomach flu on the plane and threw up all over the galley, and couldn't stop all night even when there was nothing left. It was so violent I swore my ribs were breaking. And I'm sure you wanted to know that. :D

3. What’s your favorite curse word? I don't have one, as I don't curse. However, I do like to use the word "snorkel" in place of other, more potent words.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Cpl. B, Carlos, Josh

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Sitting in my dad's truck at his work, waiting for my mom to come get me and listening to the radio.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Lying on the couch, taking a 20-minute half-snooze break from studying.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? I'll be off work again already... so probably studying Spanish again.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? No. Nononononononono. Never. Ever. Never ever ever. And to top it off, NO!

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Yeah."

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip from Breyers, not that nasty green stuff from the other companies.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

12. What are you wearing right now? Light-colored flare jeans, a mauve t-shirt from Castaway Cay, a black belt with sparkly silver stars, socks, a watch, and glasses.

13. What was the last thing you ate? A LifeSaver candy.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No. Wish I had, though. ;)

15. When was the last time you ran? Last Friday, I had to leg it from the back lot of where we were parking cars to the front lot. I was in combat boots and heavy duty belt... lots harder than running in sneakers and light clothing!

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? I don't remember. I don't usually watch sports.

17. What’s the last thing you attended that required a ticket? Night of Joy.

18. Who is the last person you emailed? My PT squad.

19. Ever go camping? Yep. Plenty.

20. Do you have a tan? Sort of... except where my watch goes.

21. What do you prefer: Natural Sun or the Tanning Bed? Sun, definitely.

22. What’s the best way to tan? I don't try to tan. If I do, I burn, then go right back to being pale. Only small doses of sun will gradually tan me.

23. What’s your favorite drink? Cherry Coke Zero! But I haven't had any in like a month.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Not unless I'm at a restaurant.

25. What did your last IM say? "later"

26. Are you someone’s best friend? I don't know. I hope so, but I'm not really that popular.

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Getting up, going to work, getting home, going to my other work, getting home, going to my first work again, getting home, studying for about an hour, then going to Explorers, getting home, then going to bed.

28. Where is your mom right now? In the living room, watching TV.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? My wall, shoe rack, and 2 pieces of artwork.

30. What color is your watch? Blue. It's old and plastic, but still tells time even after all it's been through in the past few years (including many instances of swimming). So I keep it, even though all the silver's worn off by now.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Steve Irwin, and kangaroos.

32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Goodness no. Not unless I got serious burns or something.

33. What is your birthstone? Peridot, I think.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I don't like fast food, but if I am forced to go there by people I'm on a long trip with, I go in.

35.How many kids do you want? Not sure if I want them yet. Too young still to think about that!

36. Do you have a dog? No. No pets. I'm not really an animal person.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? My boss.

38. Have you met anyone famous? Quite a few, mostly actors.

39. Any plans today? Eat, work, study. Story of my life.

40. How many states have you lived in? 3. Texas, Colorado, and Florida.

41. Ever go to college? Yes. I am in college right now.

42. Where are you right now? At my computer in my room.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? People telling me what I can't be. Getting up at 6 am. Mosquitoes that insist upon using me as a food source.

44. Last song listened to? Better than Drugs- Skillet

45. Is that your favorite band/singer? No. Favorite band of all time is Casting Crowns, favorite of the moment is RED.

46. Are you allergic to anything? Don't think so.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My precious black Converse OneStar DX Oxfords. I love them to death. I take a Magic Eraser to the white parts so they stay white.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? Not sure, never thought about it.

50. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably not, LOL.

51. What time is it? 12:17 Eastern.

52. Do any of your friends have children? No.

53. Do you eat healthy? Sometimes. I try to keep my meals balanced, if not necessarily healthy. For example, I'll have pasta, but I like some meat with it.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Work and study.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? Nope.

56. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily? Hmm... I think so.

57. When? Whenever I need to!

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 21. Good Lord, I'm ancient!

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nope. I'm a Disneyland/Disney World kinda person. But Knott's Berry Farm and Busch Gardens are fun.

60. How did you get one of your scars? Skating in a parking lot, hitting a rock, and falling... with my knee right on a jagged crack in the pavement. The scar is so odd shaped. Another odd shaped scar came from when I tried to cut a fresh-from-the-oven pizza that then flipped over on my arm.

No Wonder There’s No Wonder

It’s no wonder there’s no wonder left in our normal lives today.

This may seem silly to you, but I have been very irked recently (if by “recently” I mean, oh, the last 5 years…) about something that in the scheme of things may seem rather trivial. But those 5 years ago, I was deep in the struggling-for-identity stages of the teenage years, and to add to the already tumultuous emotions stirring around inside was the fact that the holiday season, which once held such delight, now felt dead. Nothing special, no matter how much I wanted it to be, no matter how hard I cried into my pillow on December 24th because I’d just seen It’s A Wonderful Life and felt nothing. And it hurt. I was sure that it was just a facet of my growing up, the ultimate kick in the You’re-Not-A-Kid-Anymore pants, a cruel trick of the mind that was conspiring to make my life more miserable than it was. Teenage angst, anyone?

It wasn’t until not long ago, about a month, in fact, that I began to realize something. I almost typed “the truth” in place of “something” in the previous sentence, but as I’ve not tried this out yet, it’s hard to say what “the truth” really is. But I can tell you what I saw.

Picture this: Michaels craft store. Me, shopping for some inane thing or the other, wandering down the aisles of dusty fake flowers and picture frames. Middle of August. Got the picture?

Tell me, how do two full aisles of Christmas decorations fit into that picture?

Tell me how a drive home from work in the middle of September allows me to view the giant inflatable bat already hanging in someone’s front lawn in anticipation of Halloween.

Tell me why, exactly as the Christmas decorations go down do the Valentine’s Day things go up?

Doesn’t that seem a bit… wrong?

I remember when Christmas didn’t come until December. Now we have it in August. Is it any wonder we’re sick of it long before it gets here? Maybe my disillusionment wasn’t fate’s cruel kick in the pants, maybe it was the world’s cruel commercialism. Maybe the wonder isn’t lost, maybe it’s just squashed.

Maybe… if I avoid shopping… if I avoid the television… if I switch to iTunes when the radio starts playing Christmas hits 24/7 in November… if I keep my eyes on the road on my way home…

Could it come back?

Or am I Peter Pan-ing, clinging foolishly to my youth while the adult world whizzes by, staring?

I guess we’ll see, won’t we?

New Me, New Room!

I thought that since I have a new job, I'm now 20 years old, and I'm generally just... new, that it would be wonderful to have a "new" room. I've lived in this apartment for about 6 years, and 5 of those years, my room has been exactly the same (give or take a poster or two). Also, as our apartment is small, my room became the "dumping ground" whenever someone couldn't find a place for something, so the closet was crammed to overflowing with things that weren't even mine, and I was tired of it. So over this long weekend, I decided to put down some of my newly-earned money and totally overhaul my room. It took two long days, late nights, and about $300, but I finally got it done. Here are the before and afters. Some are a bit blurry, but that's because in order to get what I wanted in the shot, I had to hold the camera against the wall and couldn't see what I was doing, LOL.


Before

Computer wall:




Bed:




Window:




Closet:




And now... After

Computer:




Bed #1:




Bed #2:




Window (high):




Window (low; can you spy the Dekker books? :D )




Window/Closet:




Closet (closed):





Closet (open):




The bedding that inspired it all:




So, that was my big project! :D

It's.... THE LIST! *dun dun duuun*

Everyone's doing it, why not me? :D

I AM … complicated.

I WANT… to be all I can be.

I HAVE … too much homework.

I WISH I COULD … let go of my reservations and just... be exuberant.

I HATE … burning the roof of my mouth on pizza.

I FEAR … many things, but try to do them anyway.

I HEAR … the song of love that binds the world together.

I SEARCH … for meaning and purpose.

I DON’T THINK … that I am good enough.

I REALLY … wish I had a definite idea of what I want to be when I grow up.

I REGRET … too many things.

I LOVE … walking out into the snow and breathing the frozen air and knowing I'm alive. But I can't do that here. :(

I ACHE FOR … freedom from everything that binds me.

I ALWAYS CRY … when I stop and think, really think, about how much Christ loves me.

I AM NOT … very interesting, but I put on a show anyway.

I DANCE … like nobody's watching, but only WHEN nobody's watching.

I SING … in the car on the way to work.

I NEVER … imagined my life like this.

I RARELY … think about the past.

I CRY WHEN I WATCH … the episode of ER where Mark Greene dies.

I AM NOT ALWAYS … thinking about Doctor Who. Oh, darnit. -_-

I HATE THAT … I'm so introverted.

I’M CONFUSED ABOUT … math.

I NEED … someone to hold me.

I SHOULD … probably quit being so philosophical.