I almost didn't come home today

I know we make lots of choices every day. Do I wear the grey shirt, or the pink one? Pop Tarts or cereal for breakfast? Study or procrastinate?

But of all those many choices, not one can you stand back and say with absolute certainty, here's how things would be different if I had made that other choice.


Today I found out how just a split-second decision could change your life forever.

Most of you who read this blog already know what my job is, but if you've forgotten, I am a school crossing guard. Yes, the lady in the goofy orange hat and gloves who blows a whistle and tells you to stop so the kids can cross the street. And I'm 20 years old. It's a bit humiliating, actually, to have a job where all my coworkers are half a century older than myself. But I digress.

I work on the intersection of a small street and a 4-lane highway. The kids are crossing the highway, and with so many lanes, two of us are needed to ensure the childrens' safety. I have this little routine I go through. Pick up my stop sign when the walk signal across the little street starts flashing the red hand. Walk to the edge of the highway, place whistle in my mouth, and wait for the traffic light to turn yellow, then red. Split-second glance behind me to make sure the cars are stopped, then to my left to make sure the cars on the highway are stopping (leaving the cars on the right for my partner to worry about), step out into the street with my hand and sign up. Child crosses. Retreat.

It's the same thing every day, every shift, every kid. Except today, I decided to check again. As the walk signal across the little street started flashing the red hand, I picked up my stop sign and walked to the edge of the highway. I put my whistle in my mouth and waited as the light turned yellow, then red. I glanced behind me, cars were stopped. To my left, cars were stopping. Lifted my foot to step out... check again. Behind me, stopped. To the left... zoom. 45 mph through the red light, in my closest lane. Right where I would have been had I stepped out less than a second earlier. The cars behind him had honked their horns, trying to get him to stop, but he'd zipped through anyway at 45 (actually, I think he was speeding as well).

I got the kid across, but as I retreated I couldn't stop thinking. If I hadn't stopped, if I just hadn't paused for that blink of an eye... I would be lying there on the ground. I would definitely be hurt. I could be dead. The hospital or the morgue... what a prospect. At 20 years old. And suddenly things became clear. I know for a fact that God was there, telling me to stop, to look again. I didn't know it at the time; it's not like the fog lifted and the sun shone down and the angels sang while a giant voice boomed "RACHEL! LOOK TO YOUR LEFT!" No way. But in looking back, some may call what I did 'instinct'. No, I've looked once each time, several times a day, every day, for 6 months. I didn't pause on my own; it wasn't my idea. This was God, and my choice to follow His direction saved my health or even my life.

So here I am, at home, typing on my blog and listening to Red's new album. I'm about to take a biology test. I have a bottle of water on my desk and my Converse are sitting under my chair, so I have to be careful not to crush them when I push away from the desk here in a minute. I'm so alive, and so well, and I've never felt it so much as I do now.

Thank you, God.